"That one has an adam's apple!"

Pattiya. Oh my god Pattiya. Generally I've kept everything on this blog pretty civil, pretty family friendly and inoffensive. I don't think this will change much in this post to be honest, but just as a word of warning, this city is the centre of the sex trade in a country famed for its sex trade.

So where to begin? Well, we left on Saturday late morning. We got a lift into Saraburi from Ben's brother (so far, it was just me and Ben). There we met up with Ben's friend, the guy who I had met before during the whole 'throwing fireworks into the packed river' incident. We got a coach, direct to the city. So what did I know about Pattiya? If you've been following this blog for a length of time, you'll know I really don't know anything about the country. Especially the cities. So I know nothing about Pattiya. Nothing passed it was where Ben went to University at least.

So we finally arrive, it was a seriously long journey. Ben is zeroed in on where we need to be when we get off the coach. We walk down a few roads and jump in an open backed taxi. We ride the cab for some thirty minutes, all the way down to the beach, and then along the beach for some five miles. We jump off, and Ben's friend pays. I ask how much I owe for the fare. "Thirty Baht". Wow, I owe 60p for a half hour cab ride. I get out the money to give to him. They look in my hand and say "No, no!" Ben takes 10 Baht (20p) from my hand, and said "Thirty Baht total. Ten each." What can I say, I LOVE HOW CHEAP THIS COUNTRY IS!

We walk up and down some side roads with various hostels and hotels. We hadn't booked one. Ben wanted to make sure we had air-con and it wasn't too expensive. So we had a lot of looking to do! We got various taxi-bikes around about a 5-mile area before we finally found one. It was a decent room, three people, air-con, and three beds, hot water, showers, western toilets. The whole shibam! Seven hundred Baht (about fourteen or fifteen quid).... total. So a fiver each for the night. Not too bad! At all really!

We get showered and prepare to go out for dinner. I'm told not to take my camera out. I don't. I'm glad for this, there is no way I would have kept a hold of it or not damaged it somehow!

We hit dinner. I order a whiskey and coke. It was an expensive one, something like three or four quid. I drink about two thirds, and the glass is topped up. Yea why not? This happens another three times before I finally say to Ben "Why do they keep topping up my drink? I can't really afford to buy drinks this expensive!"

"No, you bought the bottle."

Challenge accepted.

Two hours later...

Challenge complete.

Let's go for a walk along the beach, skip some stones. Have a good heart to heart. End of the beach and grab a beer. Now let's walk up 'Walking Street'. Oh my god walking street. Either side is open bars, with live music, various things to pull in the punters like Thai boxing, Karaoke and all sorts of shows. But, Every. Single. One. Have strippers just dancing around the tables. There isn't a single one that doesn't have strippers. Not one. We walk all the way up. They have women lining the streets with adverts for prices of various drinks to tempt you in. Every single one of these literally hundreds and hundreds of women were prostitutes. There's not even an attempt to be discreet even a little bit.

We settle on a bar, a non open bar, one that was underground. It had signs saying all foreigners must have ID, but Ben talked me in with no problem. Let's get some more drinks on. Drinks here are costing like 20p for a whiskey and coke. Deadly. After about an hour or so, a group of girls came and sat with us, with extra drinks they passed to us. I still had mine. It was dark, and I was squinting at the girl in front of me. The light's spinning around highlighted it and I sat back quickly when I realised that yup, that was a very pronounced adams apple. I turn to Ben and just as the music changes track and goes very quiet I said very loudly; "That one has an Adam's apple! I'm not drinking that!"

She gave me a seriously dirty look and slapped me. I got up and went to the bathroom. As I stood up I said to Ben "I'm leaving, meet me outside."

From there went to another bar. A great bar. The tables all surrounded a Thai boxing ring with some boxing going on. Watched it, it was all pretty tame to be honest, but I was drunk enough to really enjoy it. I was also drunk enough to agree to the following;

"Anyone here want to get in the ring and give it a go?"

Ben; "Go on!"

Me; "Not a chance..."

Ben; "YES!" furiously pointing at me.

"Come on up sir!" The very America voice bellowed on the speakers.

They didn't care that I was drunk. In fact this seemed to be a plus. They showed me where to keep my arms, how to do a kick and a punch. I nearly fell over. They went along with it anyway. Then in showing me how NOT to block, the guy hit me (not that hard at all) in the stomach. I jolted my arms down, in a flinch gut (no pun intended) reaction. This left my face totally open to a punch. Not that hard. But hard enough to go down without question. Everyone burst out laughing. I stumbled to my feet and the gut said thank you and I could return to my seat if I wanted. I heeded those wise words and climbed out of the ring.

It was getting late and was time to leave. Places were not closing, but they were emptying. We left 'walking street' and got back onto the normal roads. Ben grabbed my arm and would not let go. I got pretty shirty with this. Also, I didn't want to go home. So I did the smart thing and as soon as he let go of my arm I bolted. I have the hotel card in my wallet, I'll be fine. I jumped on another open cab and headed down the beach.

Everyone got out at the same stop, I got out the back and got into the front. I started asking the guy to take me to a kebab shop. I kept saying 'gin' (ga - inn) which means eat. He took me to a MaccyD's and charged about 5p for the ride. In the McDonald's I ordered a DOUBLE BIG MAC! Oh yes! Good times! But I didn't have enough money. I thought I had more. I thought I had my wallet. I remember nope, just brought cash and my phone with me. Dammit. But they let me get away with it, and I paid about half the price. Really nice of them!

I ate my food and started walking along the beach. I knew I had no idea where the hotel was, wasn't sure how to find it, my phone was only good for internet, a lot of places around where I was were closed. I was lost. I was very happy. I stopped off at another bar and the guy gave me free bottled water. Again, really nice people! I was there for maybe an hour or so before I thought it was time to get on the move again down the beach. There was a deck chair about 500 meters down. I walked over to it, slumped down and fell asleep.

I'll worry about everything else in the morning. It's fine. I'm cool. Goodnight world.